I always know when some deep rooted change is occurring because I feel the need to stop talking to my friends. I used to go through this cycle of establishing a new core group in college every semester or so. I figured it was because I was out growing my friends so quickly due to my ground breaking insights that I constantly had to “up level”.
The truth is I was lazy.
It seems like far too much effort to have to teach someone to re-learn who I am as I change. When you meet someone for the first time they are totally open to the “getting-to-know-you” process. They can see you for exactly who you are in that moment. Often though, people cling to this painting they’ve created rather than constantly developing Polaroids. I mean that painting took a while. I get it. It’s probably a lot prettier too, and it’s the reflection of the image the artists sees rather than an exact replication of a moment.
I could go on with this metaphor forever.
I’ve also noticed when someone gets too comfortable with who I am, or likes me too much, or just generally depends on me, I rebel against them because I feel restricted by their love. Like having their love in that moment is tainted because some day I won’t be that person. Their love, like the cake, is a lie.
Which is probably why I gravitate towards people who are judgmental of themselves, or closed. It takes longer for them to like me. For a likable person this a valuable amount of time to spend with another person. Especially when you are going to just shun someone the moment they see you for who you truly are.
Because in the end, I want some sort of constant.
While I would rather have a painting, I want someone to take the effort to paint a less than perfect picture of me every day.
And that’s our time folks.