Growing up, I lied almost compulsively. About everything. Yesterday, was the first time I have actively lied about a life experience in a good long while. Now, I get to sit with that and question why.
Some people lie to protect themselves. Others to make themselves seem more exotic and knowledgeable than they actually are. Me, I lie so other people will understand my emotional depth. That sounds so snotty.
A lot of times I don’t feel heard, or understood. I’m a very sensitive individual. Not in the way that I take things personally. Ok sometimes. More in the way that I sense very quickly the natural conclusion to an event. Because of that something insignificant to another - a look, the pause before someone closes their door, the way someone is sitting - become this huge life lessons where I get to make a choice. I have this incredibly valuable experience of knowing I can manipulate circumstances to get exactly what I want if I can muster one or two well placed smiles.
But if someone can’t understand how much growth I am receiving from a tiny moment I make it bigger. In the hopes that finally, they will understand the emotional upheaval I’ve experienced. The life lesson I’ve just absorbed. And it feels so crucial to my situation that they know the way I’ve changed. And how markedly different my soul is because of that moment.